Humor-loving Sibling Pillows

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Bathroom Fairy

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

How Am I Driving?

Sick Exhibitionist

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

President Trump blames loss of gravity on Democrats and China."

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

Those bubble wrap kids.

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'