Funny Sibling Pillows

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

Bathroom Fairy

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

To hat and hat not.

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

'I'm all about quantity.'

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

The Wolfman's Brother

Sick Exhibitionist

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

'That's just the start. Today, keeper of the list. Tomorrow, who knows?'

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

"Why can't I give you a haircut?"

'Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those that care'

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"Yeah...he's my brother. I inherited the cool genes!"

Those bubble wrap kids.

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

"Youff!"