Funny Sibling Pillows

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

Bathroom Fairy

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

'I'm all about quantity.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

Sick Exhibitionist

The Wolfman's Brother

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"Why can't I give you a haircut?"

'Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those that care'

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"Yeah...he's my brother. I inherited the cool genes!"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

Those bubble wrap kids.

"Youff!"