Satire-loving Sibling Pillows

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Bathroom Fairy

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

Sick Exhibitionist

President Trump blames loss of gravity on Democrats and China."

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

Slow day at the Oval Office...

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Youff!"