Sibling Satirist Pillows

'My father used to say, 'we learn by our mistakes'. You're an only child, aren't you?'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to hurt sales of my 'tell-all' book."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

"No, William. This is your new little brother, Christopher. Not William 2.0."

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'good taste is timeless, Al.'

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

Sick Exhibitionist

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'I'm glad your mother stayed with us last week, it gave me a great idea for a horror story.'

"There's really a baby in there? Whatcha do...eat him?"

Igloo.

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"Your essay on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your sister's"

Slow day at the Oval Office...

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

"Honest! Not only does my sister let Kenny kiss her like that. . . she said she actually likes it! Yecch!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'