Satire-loving Sibling Gifts

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

What will be the worst part about your first semester of college being online classes only? My little brother will be my freshman year roommate!

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

President Trump blames loss of gravity on Democrats and China."

Sick Exhibitionist

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

Trump Compares His Trials to a Lynching

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

When I'm a famous actress, you'll be jealous. Wrong. I can't wait to see you in the movies. It's nice that you can enjoy my glamorous success. Or�Enjoy watching you get punched out like the girls in all the action flicks. Great. Hollywood takes over where little brother leave off.

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

Slow day at the Oval Office...