Sibling With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Bathroom Fairy

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

No caption. (The Mona Lisa is depicted wearing a smiley face button.)

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

How Am I Driving?

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

Um, General Hannibal, a word if I may...

President Trump blames loss of gravity on Democrats and China."

The Wellington Statue.

Sick Exhibitionist

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

When I'm a famous actress, you'll be jealous. Wrong. I can't wait to see you in the movies. It's nice that you can enjoy my glamorous success. Or�Enjoy watching you get punched out like the girls in all the action flicks. Great. Hollywood takes over where little brother leave off.

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"