Sibling Humorist Gifts

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

"No, William. This is your new little brother, Christopher. Not William 2.0."

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'good taste is timeless, Al.'

Sick Exhibitionist

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.'

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

"I knew you'd like this place."

"Your essay on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your sister's"

"There's really a baby in there? Whatcha do...eat him?"

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'