Sibling Comedians Gifts

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

"And another thing - I'm tired of you calling my band a 'side project'."

'good taste is timeless, Al.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

Sick Exhibitionist

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.'

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

Slow day at the Oval Office...

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

"My sister takes a bath every day - she's a mud wrestler."

'I think I'll send my parents on a trip this summer, something to get them out of the house.'