Sibling Comedians Gifts

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

What will be the worst part about your first semester of college being online classes only? My little brother will be my freshman year roommate!

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'good taste is timeless, Al.'

No date for the prom, green girl? If you ever grow up, nerd boy

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

"And another thing - I'm tired of you calling my band a 'side project'."

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

Sick Exhibitionist

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.'

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

When I'm a famous actress, you'll be jealous. Wrong. I can't wait to see you in the movies. It's nice that you can enjoy my glamorous success. Or�Enjoy watching you get punched out like the girls in all the action flicks. Great. Hollywood takes over where little brother leave off.

Slow day at the Oval Office...

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

"My sister takes a bath every day - she's a mud wrestler."