Sibling Comedian Gifts

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'My right brain isn't working.'

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

"And another thing - I'm tired of you calling my band a 'side project'."

'good taste is timeless, Al.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

Sick Exhibitionist

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.'

Francis Bacon

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

Slow day at the Oval Office...

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

'He said something about cat fishing.'

"My sister takes a bath every day - she's a mud wrestler."

"Calm down ladies! Calm down! There is enough here for everyone so form a queue in numerical order..."

'Sorry, but Mum made me bring my dopey sister along.'

Conjoined strangers.

'My father used to say, 'we learn by our mistakes'. You're an only child, aren't you?'