Humor-loving Sibling Gifts

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Bathroom Fairy

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

No caption. (The Mona Lisa is depicted wearing a smiley face button.)

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

How Am I Driving?

What will be the worst part about your first semester of college being online classes only? My little brother will be my freshman year roommate!

Sick Exhibitionist

President Trump blames loss of gravity on Democrats and China."

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

When I'm a famous actress, you'll be jealous. Wrong. I can't wait to see you in the movies. It's nice that you can enjoy my glamorous success. Or�Enjoy watching you get punched out like the girls in all the action flicks. Great. Hollywood takes over where little brother leave off.

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"