Humorous Sibling Pillows

"Calm down ladies! Calm down! There is enough here for everyone so form a queue in numerical order..."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

Sick Exhibitionist

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

Trump's thoughts on 9/11

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"Gracie, get out of my room! Must I remind you that I am a martial artist in training?"

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

"Baldo, can you wash the dishes for me? Or I won't help you with your homework for a month!"

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

'Here's the deal: I can't dig right now and can't trust other dogs... So, there's a carrot for you each time you dig out one of my bones...'

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"