Housewarming Humorist Gifts

"You MUST come and visit our new house... it's an absolute DUMP!!"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Claus 2.0

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

High security Santa's grotto

Night of the Latkes

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

That one has all the batteries!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Ninja bread men"

Hiding the electronics.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Fish snorkling above water.

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

King Kongs first christmas

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."