Heartwarming Humorist Gifts

An elderly woman with a heart-shaped ear trumpet

Valentines Day Cats

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Barman In Love.

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

Tunnel of Like.

Phoenix

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

Brian the dog#3 - Brian now realised he was NOT man's best friend.

Daffodil bulbs

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Caterpillars in love

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

Homophone Encounter

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Dating in 2020

"She was a rescue."

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

"And from Newton's second law on rigid bodies it can be shown that force equals mass times acceleration...I'll show you."

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

Vincent give me your ear.