Charming Comedian Gifts

Dyslexia (dog barking backwards).

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Why we need poetry. . .

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Rap music

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

A private jet takes off

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

Exit Next Left

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

Midwest Winter Items.

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"