Charitable Comedian Gifts

"I'm going to need a receipt."

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Inflation Is Up, Interest Rates Are Going Up. . . I'm Asking You To UP Your Donation.

Applause

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"Closed until further notice."

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

Paper Bath Towels.

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'

Campaign Headquarters: For a $500 contribution, the candidate will shake your hand ans sustain eye contact with you for five seconds.

'All profits go directly to charity'

"We were going to adopt a highway, but Rachel thought there would be less red tape if we adopted an overpass."

"Before you say no to this prescription, let me also say that your monthly tax-deductible gift will help support a pharmaceutical executive in need."

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'