Philanthropic Humorist Gifts

'It's 'Wolverines Without Borders'. . . They want you to perform classic Fusco material in development countries where people don't have access to the comics.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'What'll it be?'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

'All profits go directly to charity'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

"What's the current return on investment?"

Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

Ladies-Gents-Whatever

"He's better at begging than I am."

BIRTH CONTROL CLINIC, 'It's for nuclear family non-proliferation.'

Supernova Man

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

"Your dad can't phone a friend - he hasn't got one!"

"I contributed a lot to charity when I thought I was going to die."

"O.K. Just make sure no animals are harmed in the exploding-donkey scene."

"I feel a lot safer around here since your Grandad joined the Neighbourhood Watch!"

"It suits me, doesn't it? And it's not unethical because it's from a climatologist!"