Humorous Philanthropists Gifts

"If you tithe a full 10%, not only will you get your name on the pride wall but for a limited time you will also get one of these T-shirts."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

"Now, before we actually help them, let's discuss our partnership and method of assisting."

Beggars on the street.

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'I try to help when I can.'

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"What's the current return on investment?"

"Is it a sin to think of them as gives and give nots?"

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

Ladies-Gents-Whatever

"How bout ya slip a $20 in there for me too.".." (man talking to another about the church offering plate)

'It's 'Wolverines Without Borders'. . . They want you to perform classic Fusco material in development countries where people don't have access to the comics.'

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

"He's better at begging than I am."

"I'd like to get back to doing less for charity."

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

'Then one day money no longer turned me on, so I decided to give it all away to a young dame named 'Charity'.'

"Why can't you be like everyone else and set up direct debits?"

"I contributed a lot to charity when I thought I was going to die."

"I do give until it hurts, I just have a low pain tolerance."

'Would you care to settle the matter of your loan with a penalty shoot-out?'

"I'm actually a non-practicing philanthropist."

Lost and Found

Spare change donation machine next to vending machines.

Go Fund Me Right Now

'I'm as generous as the next guy but I never give to secret fundraisers because I know for a fact that 120% of all the money goes on administration and these people all drive home in better cars than me.'