Satirical Philanthropist Gifts

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

CEO slumber

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

"Now, before we actually help them, let's discuss our partnership and method of assisting."

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'I try to help when I can.'

"Can I interest you in a ledge fund?"

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

'I prefer old fashion email messages. I can always deny I ever got them.'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"What's the current return on investment?"

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

'Recreational cycling is such fun!'

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

Ladies-Gents-Whatever

"We will begin with Schubert's 'Unfinished' Symphony, and that will be followed by Beethoven's 'Unwanted Sexual' Overture."

"He's better at begging than I am."

'It's 'Wolverines Without Borders'. . . They want you to perform classic Fusco material in development countries where people don't have access to the comics.'

"I'd like to get back to doing less for charity."

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

'The All-American Fund - may contain trace amounts of overseas investments.'

'Then one day money no longer turned me on, so I decided to give it all away to a young dame named 'Charity'.'

IOU Christmas