Philanthropy Humorist Gifts

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

"I do give until it hurts, I just have a low pain tolerance."

Spare change donation machine next to vending machines.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"He's better at begging than I am."

'What'll it be?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

It's "Wolverines Without Borders" ... They want you to perform classic Fusco material in developing countries where people don't have access to the comics.

'All profits go directly to charity'

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

Joe was so poor, his dog was a tumbleweed.

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

'Oh great...another new tie.'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

"What's the current return on investment?"

Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

Useless gifts for elephants.

'It's 'Wolverines Without Borders'. . . They want you to perform classic Fusco material in development countries where people don't have access to the comics.'

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.

"If I change my name to Red Cross, can I keep the donations?"

Ladies-Gents-Whatever

"Your dad can't phone a friend - he hasn't got one!"

'It's worse than the wrong side of the tracks - I was born on them!'

'Then one day money no longer turned me on, so I decided to give it all away to a young dame named 'Charity'.'

'My client pleads innocent due to temporary egomania.'