Philanthropy Humorist Prints

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

"I do give until it hurts, I just have a low pain tolerance."

Spare change donation machine next to vending machines.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"He's better at begging than I am."

'What'll it be?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'All profits go directly to charity'

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

Joe was so poor, his dog was a tumbleweed.

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"What's the current return on investment?"

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.

Useless gifts for elephants.

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.

'It's 'Wolverines Without Borders'. . . They want you to perform classic Fusco material in development countries where people don't have access to the comics.'

Ladies-Gents-Whatever

"Your dad can't phone a friend - he hasn't got one!"

'He's been!'

'My client pleads innocent due to temporary egomania.'

'It's worse than the wrong side of the tracks - I was born on them!'

'Then one day money no longer turned me on, so I decided to give it all away to a young dame named 'Charity'.'

"I contributed a lot to charity when I thought I was going to die."

Lost and Found

Authorities barge in on the cruelest kind of animal testing.