Philanthropic Humorist Pillows

'It's 'Wolverines Without Borders'. . . They want you to perform classic Fusco material in development countries where people don't have access to the comics.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'What'll it be?'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

'All profits go directly to charity'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.

"What's the current return on investment?"

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

BIRTH CONTROL CLINIC, 'It's for nuclear family non-proliferation.'

Ladies-Gents-Whatever

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

"If I change my name to Red Cross, can I keep the donations?"

"He's better at begging than I am."

Supernova Man

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

"Your dad can't phone a friend - he hasn't got one!"

The War Criminal's Guide to Etiquette

"I feel a lot safer around here since your Grandad joined the Neighbourhood Watch!"

"I contributed a lot to charity when I thought I was going to die."

The Supremes Make Me Sick

'My client pleads innocent due to temporary egomania.'