Charity Humorist Pillows

'I'll only put in 5p, I'm easily hurt!'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Downloading Pregnancy

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."