Charitable Humorist Pillows

"If I change my name to Red Cross, can I keep the donations?"

'Then one day money no longer turned me on, so I decided to give it all away to a young dame named 'Charity'.'

Ethics exam cheater.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"WHich one is mine?"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

"Gross."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'