Comedian With A Cause Pillows

'He's been!'

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Rap music

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

A private jet takes off

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

Rodin's Thinker.

Exit Next Left

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Midwest Winter Items.

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman