Charity Comedian Gifts

'All profits go directly to charity'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Inflation Is Up, Interest Rates Are Going Up. . . I'm Asking You To UP Your Donation.

Applause

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

You may have hired the best lawyer but I don't think that you can sue God because of a downgoing Dow Jones, sir.

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Sonny Bono - Singer/US Congressman.

"Closed until further notice."

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Paper Bath Towels.

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

Trump in Washington

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

'Calm down. I heard them say we're just going into town for haircuts.'

Air Guitar, Electric Air Guitar.

"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'

Campaign Headquarters: For a $500 contribution, the candidate will shake your hand ans sustain eye contact with you for five seconds.

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

"Before you say no to this prescription, let me also say that your monthly tax-deductible gift will help support a pharmaceutical executive in need."

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

"Yeah. What I remember most is that you still owe me money!"