Light-hearted Humorist Gifts

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'I knew he'd find a way to avoid his alimony payments!'

"I just realized we missed the Alzheimer's Walk."

When I went in they were discussing Tina Turner.

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

"Dude, don't say it..."

"I just realized we missed the Alzheimers Walk!"

Light Switch

Daffodil bulbs

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

Surreal Ale Pub.

'Champagne corks ! I like a man with class.'

'It was the menu in this pub that drove me to drink...'

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

Daybreak at bulb camp

You urgently need a holiday, and I suggest Lourdes!

'Vacuums!'

What's the matter, Humpty? Afraid of a little height? How Peer Pressure Works.

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

"This is the Festival of Mediums. You want the room with Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights."

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

A Golden Non-Retriever

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Shoe repair

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.