House Hunting Humor Lover Gifts

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

Mouse real estate!

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

'I take it this is your first big game hunt?!!'

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

Farmer with gun shots instead of flying ducks

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

Affordable housing

'It's a dump, but it's a steal at this price.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

'And this is the sunken living room.'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

"It's perfect."

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

The Movers Strip - Selling houses over the internet

"It's a mixed-use building."

Unreal Estate.

I rhyme today for I feel great cheer. Listen up, people. I am truly moved. The greatest three words a man can hear. You are pre-approved! Hail the bard of the home-loan sonnet.

"I wish he'd wait until I'd shot the bloody bird before trying to retrieve it."

'Is this the open house?'