House Hunting Humor Gifts

'Sure you've lowered the asking price - But it's still the same amount!'

"This neighborhood still attracts the occasional exile."

Flat Nav - Still not in your price range.

'It's a dump, but it's a steal at this price.'

'Where are these oak beams you mentioned?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

'We'll take it!'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Open House of Horrors

Inflatable Duck Boat

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

Mouse real estate!

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

Rising Housing Costs vs Wages.

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

'Can I see your license,please?'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"