Home Hunting Hilarity Gifts

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'We'll take it!'

Open House of Horrors

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

Mouse real estate!

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

Rising Housing Costs vs Wages.

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

Realty. Remember

Computers affect real life.

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"My biggest concern is adequate closet space."

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"