House Hunters With Humor Gifts

I rhyme today for I feel great cheer. Listen up, people. I am truly moved. The greatest three words a man can hear. You are pre-approved! Hail the bard of the home-loan sonnet.

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

We're looking for a house with a bigger crawl space… Realty.

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

'It's a dump, but it's a steal at this price.'

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

"I think they're trying to tell us we've stayed to long."

Mortgages up 'Where?'

'Look, they're slowing down.'

'And this is the sunken living room.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'According to my owner, buying this home was cheaper than building me one.'

Colonel Bagshot.

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

"I hadn't realised things were quite that bad..."