Hospital Life Enjoyer Gifts

"Don't worry it's only natural to be a little nervous before a big operation."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'What's holding him up?'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

"Whoops..."

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'