Hospital Comedy Enjoyer Gifts

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

Big slipper.

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."