Hospital Enthusiast Gifts

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"That's the PFI wing, we thought it was going to be bigger!"

'Ready?'

Boy tricking the nurse

Hospital Visit

"Hey anesthesiologist! Pay attention!"

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

Get well soon!

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Healthy Patients Only

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"You call all this a side effect?"

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Whoops..."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Drug vending machines at hospital.