Hospital Critique Enthusiast Gifts

"We're discharging you this Thursday. Hopefully, we'll find what's wrong with you before then."

Hospital Finances.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"Whoops..."

NHS Efficiency Drive

Little girl playing childrens hospital

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'We've decided it might be better to show your televised operation after the 9 o'clock watershed...'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Hospital Visit

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

"They call this a semi-private room?"

'There's been a number of complaints about the food.'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

'After $20,000 worth of tests, we couldn't find anything wrong with you...so we're suing you for 'malpatient'.'

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

Casualty

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

'Lunch!'