Hospital Critics Gifts

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

Surgical Self-Service

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Republican Healthcare

Wards / Mortuary

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Have you drugged your child today?

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."