Hospital Bureaucracy Critic Gifts

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Surgical Self-Service

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

"From one to ten, ten being the worst, describe how poorly drawn and antiquated this pain chart is."

"Not every day you get a health minister in the surgery..."

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."