Healthcare Systems Critic Gifts

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

"He may be dead but according to this survey his paperwork is WORLD CLASS!"

"Reimbursements are still shrinking - billing sent us the latest payment to read."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

Have you drugged your child today?

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Republican Healthcare

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.