Healthcare Critic Gifts

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

Doctor Sponsored by Pharmaceutical Companies

"Although it's nothing serious, let's keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't turn into a major lawsuit."

"Don't forget to take a handful of our complimentary antibiotics on your way out."

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

"Your D.N.A. test shows you're predisposed to sue doctors."

"I have no objection to alternative medicine so long as traditional medical fees are scrupulously maintained."

'Dr.Kittle is now taking bids for his ten o'clock appointment on Tuesday.'

"I'm afraid your dental plan does not cover tusks."

"We came up with a pill that cures everything...but I'm warning you, it's gonna be expensive."

'The bad news is chemo can kill you before the cancer does. The good news is the medical bills and health insurance can kill you before the chemo does.'

Great to see you! Give us a big hug!!' Doctors without Boundaries.

'I've had to book my appointment two weeks in advance, so we'll both sit here until I feel unwell.'

'Really? ..So when I said I'd found you a bed, you thought you'd have it all to yourself?!'

'Unfortunately, your insurance only provides one dart this year.'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

"You are very seriously ill...you need to go somewhere where they have stem cell research...that would be just about anywhere but the United States."

"Have you popped all those pills I prescribed?"

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

'You're feeling great? That's unusual...we'd better run some tests...'

'We're launching a campaign to get people to take up smoking again!'

Patient Choice - Stay Chronically Ill, Die.

'This place has dropped from three stars to zero rating while we've been waiting !'

Nice shiny...look, lots of lovely buttons...only ?13 billion...NPFit.

'We need your views on cost-benefit and risk-benefit.'

General Practitioner Museum

'Here at St Wadlings we like to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual no 76/09bt-c12.'

'Well your balance is OK...now let's check your credit card rating.'

The three wise monkeys of the NHS.

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

'You seem to be suffering a reaction to the amount of medication you're taking. I'll see what I can prescribe for that!'

"I happened to drive by your house a few days ago, so I'm charging you for a partial house call."

'Your insurance doesn't cover acts of God, like age related illness and accidents.'

The Government is intending to carry out a job satisfaction survey!

'I need a high growth investment. Can I put money into American obesity?'