Healthcare Critic Pillows

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

Doctor Sponsored by Pharmaceutical Companies

"Although it's nothing serious, let's keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't turn into a major lawsuit."

"Don't forget to take a handful of our complimentary antibiotics on your way out."

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

"Your D.N.A. test shows you're predisposed to sue doctors."

"I have no objection to alternative medicine so long as traditional medical fees are scrupulously maintained."

'Dr.Kittle is now taking bids for his ten o'clock appointment on Tuesday.'

"We came up with a pill that cures everything...but I'm warning you, it's gonna be expensive."

"I'm afraid your dental plan does not cover tusks."

'I've had to book my appointment two weeks in advance, so we'll both sit here until I feel unwell.'

Great to see you! Give us a big hug!!' Doctors without Boundaries.

'Really? ..So when I said I'd found you a bed, you thought you'd have it all to yourself?!'

"You are very seriously ill...you need to go somewhere where they have stem cell research...that would be just about anywhere but the United States."

'Unfortunately, your insurance only provides one dart this year.'

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

"Have you popped all those pills I prescribed?"

'You're feeling great? That's unusual...we'd better run some tests...'

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

'We're launching a campaign to get people to take up smoking again!'

Patient Choice - Stay Chronically Ill, Die.

'This place has dropped from three stars to zero rating while we've been waiting !'

'Here at St Wadlings we like to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual no 76/09bt-c12.'

'Well your balance is OK...now let's check your credit card rating.'

General Practitioner Museum

'We need your views on cost-benefit and risk-benefit.'

Nice shiny...look, lots of lovely buttons...only ?13 billion...NPFit.

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

The three wise monkeys of the NHS.

'You seem to be suffering a reaction to the amount of medication you're taking. I'll see what I can prescribe for that!'

'How do I know the 5 out of 6 doctors who recommend that drug aren't stockholders in the drug company?'

'Isn't it amazing that this piece of machinery can keep you alive forever...at $300 an hour!'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'Yeah, but think of the money I saved, by NOT seeing a doctor.'

"I happened to drive by your house a few days ago, so I'm charging you for a partial house call."