Health Care Critic Pillows

"Lucky you! That's exactly what the treatments cost."

The reason I buy my eyeglasses at the dollar store is that my health insurance is limited when it comes to eye care. I can't have them checked, although I CAN have them counted.

'If he died of natural causes, how come you never treated him for natural causes'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

'You're suffering from a lack of profit-making opportunities within the NHS.'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'