Hospital Culture Critic Gifts

'It's 11pm, do you know where your nurse is?'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Republican Healthcare

Have you drugged your child today?

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'