Hospital Hygiene Critic Gifts

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Wards / Mortuary

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

NHS Efficiency Drive

Surgical Self-Service

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."