Hospital Hygiene Critic Pillows

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

Republican Healthcare

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Surgical Self-Service

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

Wards / Mortuary

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.