Hospital Critic Pillows

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

'We'd like you to continue with your 6am appointments until we find out what's making you tired.'

"They call this a semi-private room?"

"First we need to do a wallet-scan"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Republican Healthcare

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

NHS Efficiency Drive

Surgical Self-Service

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Wards / Mortuary