Hospital Critique Enthusiast T-Shirts

"We're discharging you this Thursday. Hopefully, we'll find what's wrong with you before then."

Hospital Finances.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"Whoops..."

Little girl playing childrens hospital

NHS Efficiency Drive

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'We've decided it might be better to show your televised operation after the 9 o'clock watershed...'

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

Hospital Visit

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

'After $20,000 worth of tests, we couldn't find anything wrong with you...so we're suing you for 'malpatient'.'

'There's been a number of complaints about the food.'

"They call this a semi-private room?"

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'Lunch!'

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'I had no idea that hospital food was this bad!'