Hospital Aficionado Gifts

'This place has dropped from three stars to zero rating while we've been waiting !'

'She's a nurse in the childrens' ward.'

"Okay - which one of us is talking now?"

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Be Healthy

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Fitness guru.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

Healthy Patients Only

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

Get well soon!

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"