Hospital Tales Aficionado Gifts

Nurse to other about patient: 'We're all pulling for a speedy recovery.'

"It was just a fun transplant. You got his heart, he got yours."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

Fertility Center.

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

"C'mon, walk it off!"

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

"Since laughter is the best medicine, I'm downloading the Laugh-Track App."

"Okay - which one of us is talking now?"

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

'No, I'm not the famous heart surgeon, but I charge exactly what he charges...'

"Could I get a second opinion?"

"Your wife says she's experiencing nausea. Could you leave the room?"

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

'Doctor, how may colon polyps HAVE you removed?'