Funny Hospital Tales Fan Gifts

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Big slipper.

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Where does it hurt?'

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."