Hospital Story Fan Gifts

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

'Where does it hurt?'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'I'm afraid we've removed your wooden leg by mistake.'

'The doctor is putting you on solids.'

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Surgery Instruction Book.

'You sounded better yesterday.'

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

Patient after an appendix operation

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

'Mr. Figgs - any door with doctor on it - knock-go in-smile-sit down-poor out your woes.'

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."