Hospital Stories Aficionado Gifts

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

Being Serenading in Casualty

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

Fertility Center.

Hospital Visit

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"C'mon, walk it off!"

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

"Since laughter is the best medicine, I'm downloading the Laugh-Track App."

"Okay - which one of us is talking now?"

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

"Your wife says she's experiencing nausea. Could you leave the room?"

'No, I'm not the famous heart surgeon, but I charge exactly what he charges...'

'Lunch!'